Political Bumper Stickers You Won’t See in 2012

Being in a democracy means that you have certain freedoms, such as being able to vote for the people who will tell what you can't do. Presidents are chosen because of their vast appeal. Vice Presidents are usually chosen because they bring some sort of balance to the political ticket. For instance, Barack Obama was young and inexperienced, and brilliant so he had to choose a running mate who was old and dumber than the proverbial box of rocks.

Back in 2004 John Kerry chose John Edwards because he was young and charismatic and didn't talk like Herman Munster. He brought balance. It also helped that he was a trial lawyer, a member of a poor, disenfranchised group of voters. He also represented Family Values; something which Ted Kennedy and Bill Clinton had ceded to Republicans like Mark Sanford and Newt Gingrich. It worked out even better than expected; John loved family life so much he started another one on the side.

What I was wondering however, was; Has anybody ever been rejected as a Vice-Presidential candidate just because of his name?

For instance, if Michigan’s John Dingell would try and save the Democrats sagging fortunes, and choose Arkansas’ Marion Berry for his running mate, their bumper sticker would read; VOTE FOR DINGELL/BERRY. It would probably carry the South but overall I don't think today's astute political advisers would allow it.

Sifting through the names of Senators, Representatives, and Governors, some current and some recent, I’ve found several pairs of candidates that just wouldn't make it based on their names alone. Take Texas’ Dick Armey and Utah’s Chris Cannon as an ARMEY/CANNON team. Too warmongering. Rhode Island’s Lincoln Almond and Pennsylvania’s Joseph Pitts as an ALMOND/PITTS ticket might sound tasty at first, but might eventually stick in your craw. Ohio's Marcia Fudge might smooth it out as ALMOND/FUDGE. (They won’t melt in your mouth) but I doubt it.

I think Olympia Snowe of Maine and Richard Burr of N.C. as SNOWE/BURR would cool the ardor of too many. Washington’s Jennifer Dunn and Virgil Goode of Virginia could simply say; Vote for us, we DUNN/GOODE. I also dug up ROBB/GRAVES (Virginia’s Charles Robb and Kansas’ Bill Graves) but it seemed too much like the Democrats newest tax idea.

What if Emanuel Cleaver of Missouri ran for president and he really thought NY's Louise Slaughter was right for the country (as Judy Tenuta would say- it could happen). The VOTE FOR CLEAVER/SLAUGHTER bumper sticker might send chills up your spine.

VOTE FOR TALENT/SHOWS (Missouri’s James Talent and Mississippi’s Ronnie Shows), sounds like it could at least be entertaining. People would quickly reject N.Y.’s Anthony Weiner and N.J.’s Bob Franks since VOTE FOR WEINER/FRANKS just reeks of too much pork. And how fast would a ticket of California’s Chris Cox and Washington’s Norman Dicks be rejected? A VOTE FOR COX/DICKS sticker on your car might get you pulled over in some states.

What if Al (the joke's on us) Franken decides to run for President? Would he choose a conservative comedian like Ben Stein to balance his ticket? I'd vote for FRANKEN/STEIN but I doubt others would.

If Bobby Bright of Alabama and Jeff Flake of Arizona ran together we could all vote for a BRIGHT/FLAKE. But that's what we have now.

California’s John Doolittle and Texas’ Pete Sessions would, admittedly, pass the truth in advertising stipulations since a sticker of VOTE FOR DOOLITTLE/SESSIONS would honestly portray most of today’s politics.

It's unfortunate that Robert Byrd has passed away. If West Virginia’s esteemed former senator had only run for president, and choose Idaho’s Mike Crapo as his running mate, then people could have proudly displayed a bumper sticker that read:

VOTE FOR BYRD/CRAPO.

Where's John Edwards now that we need him?