Forbidden Fruit and Chicken Gonads

I think when the bible refers to the Tree of the the Knowledge of Good and Evil it uses the term “fruit” figuratively. It might have been a vegetable. I think the actual forbidden fruit was really a Brussels Sprout. The phrase “The knowledge of Good and Evil” refers to the concept of “Good for you but tastes awful.” I'm sure God wanted to spare us from that knowledge which is why he told Adam and Eve not to eat the thing. If God tells me not to eat something that looks like green gonads my response is “No problem.”

You have to be deceived into eating something like that. The devil came to Eve and said “How come you're not eating the green gonads? Didn't God say that greens are good for you? Eve replied “God has said that on the day we eat of the fruit we will die. Right after retching. The fruit is a wretched thing.” The devil replied “No, you won't die. God knows it tastes like chicken.” So Eve ate of the fruit. And it turns out that the devil was right; on the day they ate of the fruit they didn't die. They just thought they were going to. Turns out God was right about the retching though.

I was deceived about this forbidden fruit once. I was told they taste like chicken if you dip them in butter. Chicken gonads maybe. I couldn't even swallow the thing, but it didn't matter. I now knew the difference between good (ice cream) and evil (anything with sprouts in its name). They have the most vile of tastes. I know there are people who like these things but I can only say you are hopelessly deceived. And evil.

So now we live outside the Garden, where everything tasted good and is good for you, and we live in an accursed land where we eat food that squirrels left behind and call it Trail Mix. So go ahead, “eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die.” Unless you eat a Brussels Sprout. Then it will be today.


I ate a Brussels Sprout today
It didn't go down all the way
I tried to chew it but it wouldn't chew

There was nothing I could do but spew