Monday, September 6, 2010

William Henry Harrison; A Hermit Crab History Lesson

I recently was given a William Henry Harrison gold dollar. It lasted in my house about as long as Mr. Harrison lasted in the White House.
William Henry Harrison will always bear the distinction of having the shortest chapter in any book on the Presidency. This is because he only served for one month as President, though he accomplished as much in that time period as several subsequent presidents accomplished in four years. Here's a list of his accomplishments;
1.
2.
3.

You can see that it favorably compares with others if you balance in all the negatives others have managed to do.

The main reason he seems to have died prematurely was that on March 4, 1842 he gave a two hour Inauguration speech. This was the edited version too (seriously). He promised to reform the civil service, proving he had a sense of humor, and promised to use the power of the veto sparingly. He proved to be somewhat prophetic on that last point.

It was a cold, blustery day but WHH refused to wear a coat or hat, or even long underwear as far as we know. He then attended at least three Inaugural Balls. Standing out in the cold and then partying like it was 1776 all night was more than his 67 year old party animal body could take. He developed pneumonia and died on April 4th. His last words reportedly were; “Cough, cough, hack hack.”

Just kidding. Actually, his last words were; “I wish you to understand the true principles of government. I wish them carried out. I ask nothing more.” I'm sure his wife Anna appreciated that as he drew his last breaths on earth, his final words were about the GOVERNMENT. It's just an ugly rumor that she smothered him afterward.

WHH wasn't even supposed to win the Whig nomination; that was supposed to go to Kentucky Senator Henry Clay. Southern Whigs didn't like Clay because he had favored a tariff which hurt them. Whiners. In an attempt to kiss their butt and get a few votes he famously said that Congress had no right to interfere in slavery in any of the states. Somebody brought up to Henry Clay that this was a possible way to lose Northern votes, to which he even more famously replied “I'd rather be right than to be President.” While very few thought he was the former, they took him up on the latter and nominated old Tippecanoe. And John Tyler too.

When you watch today's political campaigns, with their idiotic slogans and cheap political paraphernalia, you can thank William Henry Harrison; he's credited with running the first modern campaign. The modern campaign as we know and love it today tends to be heavy on style and image, and low on actual solutions to problems. If WWH really did start this trend than maybe pneumonia wasn't a bad enough end for him.

His campaign consisted of large rallies, sign-waving yokels, off-beat campaign songs and idiotic slogans like “Log Cabin and Hard Cider.” It sounds like Thanksgiving at Glenn Beck's house. If you are wondering what a log cabin and cheap whiskey have to do with running the country you're not alone. Turns out that his handlers promoted the fact that because he was born in a log cabin; he was “one of us.” Just like the Kennedy's are “one of us.” A guy named E.C. Booz provided whiskey bottles in the shape of little log cabins to support WHH; from that we get the term booze. So WHH wasn't without his contributions.

WHH was a successful general, having defeated Tecumseh at the Battle of Tippecanoe. He won by tipping over Tecumseh's canoe. “Tippecanoe and Tyler too” may have been the first campaign slogan in history. It was sort of catchy, and much easier to remember than any stance he might have had on the issues. The slogan referred to a famous battle and its purpose was to garner enthusiasm among the voting masses. George Armstrong Custer may have held future presidential aspirations of his own, and may have hoped a similar victory over the Sioux Indians in 1876 might provide a similar slogan. Of course, it helps if you win the battle. “Long Hair was shorn at the Little Big Horn” helped Sitting Bull win reelection instead.

On a social note, in 1841, just as WHH was departing the White House for that great log cabin in the sky, Brook Farm was founded, a Utopian community near Boston. It was founded by George and Sophia Ripley (believe it or not), and was designed to be an example to the world of true socialist principles. Everybody, including women, were paid equally low. The fact that a Utopian community anywhere within a thousand miles of Boston was probably doomed from the get go didn't dampen their enthusiasm. This is because they believed in American Transcendentalism. They may have practiced Transcendental Meditation many years before the Beatles discovered it. It was different from the Maharishi's version, however, because the more they meditated on it, the more they decided socialism sucked. The community's main goal was to combine manual labor with intellectual pursuits, which put them into direct conflict with the public school system.

None of which has anything to do with WHH, but since he didn't do much I had to fill in the space with something.

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